effective communication skills

How To Stop Anger

Stopping Anger

When should you stop your own anger?

You should always stop your own anger because there is always a better, non destructive way to get what you want.

The truth is that anger is not something that happens to you, it is something that you do. At either a conscious or unconscious level is a way to get something you want. The best solution is to:

  1. Discover what you are using anger to get (if you don't already know.)
  2. Find a better way to get it.

How to stop your own anger

Think back to the last several times you got angry and answer these questions:

  • Right before you got angry, what did someone say to you?
  • Right before you got angry, what did you see?
  • Right before you got angry, what did you feel?
  • Right before you got angry, what did you think?
  • What patterns of behaviour, speech, words, etc. do you see?
  • What result were you trying to achieve by getting angry? (Even if you got a bad result, you were trying to get a good result... something you wanted or needed.) What was it?
  • What will it cost you mentally, physically, emotionally, if you continue to do anger?
  • How else can you get the good result you want?

When is it ok to get angry?

Never. No exceptions. No excuses. Now is the time to stop.

How to stop someone's anger

  • Listen calmly to what the person has to say
  • Answer any questions the other person may have
  • Even if the other person raises questions or responds in an angry, hostile, or suspicious tone, stay calm and respond neutrally
  • Be patient, show your willingness to listen, and be reassuring
  • The key is for you to stay calm so that a cycle doesn't begin

When to walk away from anger

  • The buildup of anger and hostility is very great
  • You find you are obsessing about the situation – you keep dwelling on it and when you do, you just feel more anger and frustration
  • The emotional frustration and anger caused by the relationship aren’t worth it
  • You are no longer willing to do what is necessary to resolve the problem and let go of your anger or distrust
  • You want to move on

You may be interested in our conflict resolution seminars

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